Gambling and Stimulation.

When I was about 22 years old, I was very tempted to keep a diary. This was before the advent of blogging. I decided against the idea, because I had determined that I'd already have missed so much and as such it wasn't worth the effort. Bad judgment! If I had kept such a journal, I'd be able to confirm one of my hypotheses about compulsive gambling. Here goes:

When a compulsive gambler is out of action for whatever reason, that impulse gets channeled elsewhere and manifests in different, but predictable ways.

For instance, I am not gambling. I haven't gambled in a few weeks. In those weeks, I've signed up for an online dating service and have generally been obsessed with the idea of picking up women. Why? Surprisingly, I think it has very little to do with the physical element of sex. Instead, I need the "action" of being accepted or rejected by all these different, anonymous people. Every attempt to get a pretty girl to express interest is not unlike the turn of a car. At the very least, it's a reason to check my email compulsively. A way to enjoy and revel in uncertainty again, now that gambling isn't available. (And in the words of Tom Cruise as TJ Mackey in the 1999 film Magnolia, "if I happen to get a blowjob out of it, then . . .")

So for all you compulsive gamblers who want to satisfy those impulses in different ways, go sign up for Match.com or eHarmony or something. I'm sure those companies will be thrilled to have my unsolicited endorsement.